Saturday, February 12, 2011

Great Expectations


Yes, that’s the name of the novel by Charles Dickens which I haven’t read but thought this could be one suitable title to my new blog entry. This time somehow I don’t have a double meaning attached to the title. Well, to all those who have been reading my blog regularly, I am sure something like this comes as unexpected from me because I have never ever written anything that has got to do anything with serious catharsis. Right? And of course I am going to relate things to myself while writing this, as factual and objective writing is something I have always found difficult to do and have seldom succeeded! Hehe…

Now, I need to begin somewhere…

Right from the day we are born, we have high levels of expectations from people around us who matter to us. When I was born, being the first member in the new generation in both my maternal and paternal families, everyone showered their love and blessings on me. I was always the one to get the maximum attention from everyone at home. I grew up. I never had any good friends nor did I expect anyone to call me their best friend, as I never felt the need to. I was happy with myself, content.

Three years back I stepped out of home. I moved to a new place. I met a variety of people, people who were different in a lot of ways from each other, from others I knew and from me. I started learning to make friends. I started enjoying my life in new ways. I was no longer confined to the nutshell called ‘me’. The thing I used to consider as just hindi-movie rubbish, gave a first person experience to me- I had fallen in love. Not with a thing, experience, or stuff but with a real human being…

The dictionary software loaded in my laptop defines the word ‘Expectation’ as ‘Anticipating something to happen (or make a mental picture of something) with confidence of fulfilment’. Expectation comes into the picture everywhere. Many people who I matter to, have high expectations from me. Some expect me to do well in my studies and focus on my career and be successful, some expect me to be the friend who they can share everything with, some expect me to help them out when they are in trouble, some expect me to just remain happy always and some expect ‘nothing’.

I am a normal human (do you doubt it??) and like everyone else even I have expectations from many aspects of my life. Some are small and normal expectations. Some are big and great expectations. I expect a lot of things in my everyday life. I expect my family to support me. I expect my teachers to help me out whenever I need them. I expect my friends to add a hue of laughter to make the days enjoyable. I expect my best friend to be interested in knowing what I feel about everything that happens with me. I expect my phone to ring and I expect the caller id to belong to some one who is special to me. I expect to hug the one who matters to me the most on Hug Day. I expect people to understand me and my situation. I expect empathy. There is a lot more I expect. And obviously, all my expectations do not get fulfilled. I have high confidence in their fulfillment and when they do not get fulfilled I do get depressed. Being the highly emotional kind of a person, I am sometimes not at all able to control my senses and if I do not get the expected understanding from the one I expect, I get frustrated. Probably this is not something exclusive to me; the teenage period is full of such high levels of melodramas in all people.

There was a time, not long back, when I had desperately wanted to have someone who would care for me more than anything else, love me more than anyone else (and here by ‘love’ I mean love in its romantic sense) and God did listen to this request of mine unexpectedly soon, but thanks to all the circumstances that I was facing then, I had to do many things I wouldn’t have otherwise done. What I was making someone else feel (someone who was special to me), I was suddenly able to fully understand because I could now step into the shoes of that ‘someone special’ and know exactly what they felt when I expected too much from them. I never wanted to hurt them, in fact I always aimed at keeping them happy, but in due course of time, wrong things and wrong situations did come up which I had no strength to face and ended up having Great Expectations.

It’s been almost an hour and a half now since I have been sitting alone and writing this entry and I won’t deny the fact that I am desperately waiting for a phone call right now. A phone call which I know would be able to cheer me up. But again, the same thing comes up: expectation. And surely that’s wrong.

I have no idea why I suddenly chose to write on this topic. If someone asks me what’s wrong with me, I am not going to tell them anything and that is for sure. Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter- surely that’s what is happening right now! And I am sad to be ending a blog entry of mine at a sad note for the first time ever.
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8 comments :

  1. Expectations from others hurt a lot while expectations from self inspire a lot...

    Never try 2 explain urself coz 80% dont care...20% dont need it...

    Cheer up things could get worse and probably they will. . .

    Do not go where the path will leads u...go where there is no path and leave a trail...

    And again wud say...commit mistakes...coz u dont know whats wrong nd right till then...bt once u cum 2 knw ur mistakes never repeat them...

    Life is too short...grudges r a waste of perfect happiness...laugh when u can,apologise wen u shud & let go of what u cant chnge. Love deeply n forget quickly.Take chances, giv evrythng nd hav no regrets. Life is too short to b unhappy. You hav 2 take the gud with the bad.Smile wen u r sad. luv what u got alws, rmbr wat u had,Always forgiv nd learn from ur mistakes...people chnge nd things go wrong. But alws remember life goes on..

    No idea if this comment is helping or discouraging u...:P

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  2. It is really hard to believe that one who can write such entries can be so emotional at times. I am impressed with the way you have studied yourself. You have a treasure within you. Do things sincerely without any expectation and you will see miracles happening with you. The only way get love and attention in this world is never to expect it from anybody. Just give without any expectation in return and things will comeback to you in myriads. This is what life's experience has taught me in last 48 years.
    Have fun and enjoy the creativity in you.

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  3. well this is all lyf teaches us....

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  4. how come this is not a must read entry?? i still go down the bar to search this 1! :)
    some of the blog entries stay forever! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That brings a smile on my face. :)
      Why this is not in the must-read? Well, I would just say, I thought there were better ones to make to the list. And this particular one doesn't seem a very 'happy' one or for that matter, I have no reason to say that this is a 'must-read' ;)

      Delete
    2. hmm may be i think of it as a deep meaning!n true that its not a happy 1! :)
      ok so now i surely have to look into the new side bar option!n stop scrolling down the blog time-line!;)

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    3. now thats a choice you have..but let me tell you- there are posts which do not qualify in any of those categories and are hence only accessible only from the by Date category..;)

      Delete

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