Saturday, January 03, 2015

This absolutely ‘relative’ thing about Staying in Touch

This post got featured in the Spicy Saturday Picks on Blogadda.

It’s such a common thing, but have you ever given it a thought? How do we stay connected with different people we meet at various stages of life? The modern technology aside, it’s actually weird and a bit magical when you think about it.

  • Some people stay with us, at all times. We meet them in school or in college and they just stay there with us, always. The same.

  • Some are the ones who we are very close to in our time together. The best friends. The closest buddies. They know us inside out. And the relation continues the same way, always. We have our ups and downs including some big fights when we don’t talk for months at end, but the intricacy of the relation keeps the intimacy intact. Busy work schedule cannot put us away for long.

  • Some are the acquaintances during our time together. They became good friends much later, probably because of a random meeting via a mutual friend.
  • Some were probably very important to us when we were together. But then once our ways separated, we never cared to be in touch, although the respect for each other never lessened. Suddenly an event brings us together and it is time to catch up on a lot of things. Rekindling our now separate relations.
  • Some are not the best friends. We are not in touch with them for months at a stretch, but then we talk, never realising that it has been a while, and it’s like exactly the old times- no time passed, probably we just grew up a bit.
  • Some gain too much importance, without our knowledge, just because we both worked on a project together, or one of us helped the other in some way at some time.
  • Some are not ready to let go of us and thus they stay with us. We might hate them or might not care at all, but just because they didn’t let go of us, we are still good and in touch.
  • Some we never speak to. Probably they bombard us with a lot of self-advertisements, which we are irritated with. But we don’t want it to stop, because then something would be unusual. And there grows a relation.
  • Some we meet are friends of friends. After sometime we don’t even realise that they have probably taken a level of importance which is equal or even greater than the friend.
  • Some we didn’t care much about. But then they did. They remembered some minute details about us, and mentioned it at times when we most required it but probably we never expected it from them. The random situation made us aware of the person’s importance in our life. And we stuck together there on.
  • Some we speak to rarely. We used to be the good old friends. With time we lost touch. But still we talk in those rare chats. We don’t know the intricate details of each other’s lives anymore; it is just the superficial things we now know. But still, we do connect. Hope lives.
  • Some just remain so. We don’t talk to them apart from the yearly birthday wishes probably (which are never missed) and have nothing to say if one of us calls the other, but still a bond remains that both of us do not want to let go of. Ever.
  • Sometimes we mutually end relations. Or some aspect of it. The future staying-in-touch might never happen. In case it does, we both know it’s a new chapter. We do not want to bring back the past. But we know one thing for sure- we influenced each other’s lives. And thus, the connection remains.

It’s actually weird how we influence people. How we play a small but very pivotal role in the lives of each person we meet. Sometimes the influence is minimal. Sometimes it is a life changing thing. In either case, it’s important.

We do not meet any bad people. It’s just their role in our lives which was not the way we would have wanted it to be. We thought it was bad at that time, but over the years we realise that the ‘bad’ seems to have done a lot of good to us.

Sometime last year, a friend at college who I met after a vacation, asked me- “How are you?” I replied with the usual “Doing great. How are you?” She smiles and says, “Is it a genuine ‘doing great’ or is it a for-the-sake-of-reply ‘doing great’?” and that set me thinking. It indeed was a for-the-sake-of-reply reply. And I hadn’t actually thought before saying it. (The reply would have worked just fine for a colleague, but here it was a friend- that’s the big difference) Don’t we do this so often? We want to maintain a good relation with the other person (and not just for PR sake) but we lie at such a minuscule level, not even giving it a second thought. We never know what kind of an effect a person might leave on us or what kind of stories they might have which might influence us, before we meet them or talk to them.

These thoughts struck me all of a sudden right now. I was having an over-one-hour long Whatsapp conversation with an old friend, about each other’s futures since we are both ending college within a few months. This friend I am talking about, does not fall into one of the above categories. He was my roommate for the last two years of school and during the time, the two of us loathed each other. Look at us today, we are surprised with the kind of talks we are having now. We didn’t even imagine we would ever talk in life once we left school.

That’s the uncertainty of life.

“The friends, neighbours, drinking buddies, and partners in crime you love so much when you’re young, as the years go by, you just lose touch.You will be shocked, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever.
That's why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.”
-Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother (Season 9 Episode 21)
I don’t know why, but the above lines somehow seem to me like the best lines I have ever heard. Simply because of the very simple but highly important thing they signify-

Easily meeting people is a certainty, keeping in touch is the difficult and more important part assigned to us- one which is absolutely relative to our wishes. We don't know if there is going to be a tomorrow. We don't know if we will see them ever again. It's the moment right now that counts, that we need to make the most out of. What's wrong in keeping our ego aside, taking a few minutes out of our schedule and making that long awaited call to that old friend we haven't spoken to in a while? Don’t you agree?

After all, people will forget what you said, what you did. But the one thing they will never forget is how you made them feel.

8 comments :

  1. Not that i can comprehend the fall in category clearly, i don't really have to know if this is something vented by you. Yes, its got a signature much element in close association.

    "That's why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it”. This. Has to be the nicest part. Ted-way is totally seconded.

    And you happen to be some categorically relative thing associated to the idea of us staying in touch without really having a choice. So much for some significant clarity. Keep writing friend. I'd always want to read some more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Took me a couple of times of reading, but I think I got it. Such heavy use of words Ms.Divya 'Anonymous' Nangia! Phew!
      Thanks for the read and the awesome effort with writing a comment :D

      Delete
  2. With day by day increasing work pressures, city life we are reducing so much on our social lives! I sort of miss old small city days!

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    Replies
    1. That's absolutely true Komal. And that's what we need to make a balance with.

      Delete
  3. Each pointer reminds ne someone's name ....& i have realised how much it's necessary to create a bond...cz withouut friends you can't sustain...& I hope i will always be in touch with you Mr. Ff13, Coordinator. :)

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    1. Haha...glad the post forced you to think Ayushi! Sure we shall remain in touch :)

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    1. This is great. Thank you Team Blogadda! :D
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