A Game of Truth & Life
The last quarter of the year dawns. It’s a Sunday afternoon
and the overcast sky seems like a welcome relief from the hot weather. Noise
from the main road does not allow a moment of peace. He sits with his laptop,
staring out of the huge stained glass windows, a liberating song playing on
loop in his ears, and thinking.
Thinking. He has had a lot of time to do just this over the
past month. He feels he has been living in a make-believe world for a long
while now. It’s a bubble that he unintentionally has created for himself.
Secure and happy, but with a lie. He doesn’t want to be engulfed in the daily
grind for survival. He doesn’t want to get lost in the crowd. He still searches
for his true calling.
He thinks about the one month that he has spent in the new
city and the choices he has made. He thinks about the disconnected chain of events over the last week that has led
him to his current state of mind. ‘It’s not
something new’, he thinks, ‘I am used
to it’. Or perhaps, he is too used to camouflaging
it.
What is the one thing
that you want for yourself right now?’ he had asked everyone in the
truth-and-dare game the other night. The question had come back to him and
although he had known the exact answer for a long time now, he didn’t want to
say it out loud. No preconceptions. No fears. No random shit. He simply didn’t
want to say it. ‘I am waiting for someone
to understand the answer to this without me explicitly saying it,’ he told
himself.
It was always this. It had always been this. The reason for
his adventures. The reason for his escapes. The reason for his workaholic
attitude. The reason for his discontentment even after being highly acclaimed
for whatever he did. There was one constant missing thing throughout. One thing
which he had intentionally kept out of his bubble. One thing he always evaded
when confronted with. One thing he didn’t give as much importance as he
probably should have. And that’s the way how he is now defined for people.
The ringing of his phone brings him back and he swiftly
silences it. He doesn’t feel like speaking to anyone, least of all with people
he is not connected to at the level his thoughts are racing right now. He
doesn’t want his thought process to take a break, not now, no.
He struggles to push the right keys on the keyboard. For
some reason, even writing, the one
thing that almost always liberates his brain from unfathomable thoughts, doesn’t
seem to be working. While trying to see the art in it, he fails to catch the
thought right. While expressing his thoughts openly, he carefully chooses words
to not disclose it. And all of it just becomes His Story- a collection of random
thoughts, perhaps none making sense.
Perhaps he is stupid. An idiot who just loves to complicate
things for himself. Perhaps it is just a big conflict in his head.
Perhaps all that is missing, all that is required to simply
open him up, is the answer to that question. The one thing that he wants for
himself. The answer is too simple. He just won’t say it out loud.
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