A Letter to all my friends at MBICEM

A few confessions as we bid adieu to our three years of togetherness...

Hello doston,

The urge to write a lot but having no words to start with- that’s the precise thing happening to me right now. It’s almost 3 AM and I am having a completely sleepless night. No, this time it has got nothing to do with any ‘work’ I am doing. I am done with all work. For three years, that’s solely what I have been doing and I think I have had enough of that. Right now, even the utterance of the word ‘work’ seems to irritate me to the core. So why this sleepless night? Well, with college life at the verge of approaching the doomsday, I think I might not be the only one facing this trouble right now.

27.08.2010: The first ever photo that I clicked at MBICEM

We had an amazing ‘Retro-themed’ farewell at college last week. On returning home as I opened my facebook account, I had an unread message from a junior:

“Antarik! I m waiting fo ur blog abt today.... hw u felt... plssss”

I knew I was going to right about it. Sooner or later. Non-completion of my final project film was what got me delayed. I kept telling everyone, the very fact that college is over has not sunk in yet! When it does, you can expect an array of blog entries from me!

Well, after the ‘unofficial’ farewell over the weekend, when all ‘work’ was over, and we all had enough time to sit and reflect upon how times have passed and how it is going to be in the coming days, that was when the feeling started to sink in. The days now get wholly spent with friends. It is the night times, like the one right now, when each one of us is at our own places, stuck to the computer system, and probably doing nothing but going through old photo albums, chatting on whatsapp, and listening to that one particular song that has innumerable memories attached to it, this is the bad time. When I was at the DPS Hostel 3 years back, the goodbye time was daunting but it never made as much of an impact as it making now. This was probably because at that time, we 6 friends, we were together 24x7 and it was just the last and final goodbye from the hostel that had been the ship-wreck point. Right now, considering that this is no hostel and each one has a separate life to lead, with no common threads attached, saying goodbye at the end of each day to your best friends, people who have known you so well and perhaps much better than anyone else, feels pathetic. Each day seems like a big separation. It was amidst all this that I realized that writing this letter was important before I left college.

27.08.2010: First visit to the NDTV Studios, GK

07.05.2010: Post-Teachers' Day Celebration. First time at Select Citywalk

03.11.2010: Canteen

It might be surprising for you if you don’t know me well (and that’s likely the case, because there are very few people who fall into the ‘know-me-well’ category), but I am one person who loves to have fun. To let go of all concern and just pass some time with people who matter to him. To create and be part of memories. That’s one side of me which probably you don’t know. I don’t expect you to either. Because it’s been 3 years and probably the only thing you have seen me doing is ‘work’.

Yes, I am proud of having ‘worked’ so much. Yes, I was tired, exhausted, but I can’t deny that each new endeavor was a bigger challenge than the previous one and a huge learning platform.

You know what guys, when I joined college, I had no clue what it was going to be like. I was super nervous. I didn’t know how it would be to interact with so many new people. I had my preconceptions. I had my fears. Having left hostel life just a few months back, for me getting involved with a completely new set of people, was never going to be easy. I tried to be friendly with all. I tried to get involved in as many things as I possibly could. I never wanted to prove anything to anyone. I just went with the flow.

04.11.2011: Pre-Diwali Day

11.11.2010

Right from the time of joining college, I have been with very varied sets of friends. From having a ‘PG group’ to having a ‘Work group’, from working with the ‘Cyber Club’ to writing content for ‘MagzL’, from making the 20-day record of ‘Jhankaar’ to re-establishing the ‘Film Club’, from switching on the TV sets of college to organizing First Frame 2013, from spending hours in the canteen after classes in the 1^st year to having no time to even visit the canteen for a glass of juice by the end of 3^rd year, from worrying and spending time doing assignments to prioritizing fun and leaving the assignments for the extreme last minute- it has all been amazingly fun to work with and know so many different people. Yeah, probably I never looked like the one who was interested in you for anything apart from work. Probably I even rejected an offer by you that would have given us a chance to know each other better. Probably I would never come to you and start a talk. I might expect you to do that. Probably I would want to be good friends with you. Would want to know you better. Would like to spend time having fun together.

I was always an introvert. Going to the fresher’s party (and believing that I would be ragged) was damn horrifying for me and I absolutely avoided it. Over the coming months and years, there were only two ways that I got associated with more and more people- Either I was approached to talk by you or some third person and/or I got involved with you due to some work that we were assigned to do together. Believe me, even today I can’t approach somebody just for the sake of an interaction or to strike off a conversation. I am really lucky that you came forward and we struck a chord somewhere.

22.12.2010: The Lands2Land Team

23.11.2011: At the IITF

21.04.2011: Photography at Delhi Zoo

You know, being called a ‘topper’ or the ‘padhakoo’ student or being asked ‘Tujhe to sab kuch aata hoga na?’- that’s super irritating. I hate it. Especially because I am one person who is completely unlikely what these terms mean. Those who know me well will second me when I say that I hate studying and I study simply at times when I have to probably because there is an exam in a few hours! I never was the super intelligent bright student, nor did I ever want to be. It was simply an accident and a game of luck…pure luck that got me that damn 23^rd rank and those first two semesters of being the class topper!

01.12.2011: The Verity Team

01.12.2011: The Verity Team

01.12.2011: The Verity Team

19.02.2012: Jhankaar 2012 in the making

27.02.2012: Post-Jhankaar release, Annual Day 2012

24.04.2012: Bidding adieu to the seniors

They say- it doesn’t matter who comes and goes in your life…what matters is the way they made you feel and the impact they had on you. I am not one who could proudly say that he/she is the one everyone wants not-to-forget. I am not one who would remain in everyone’s memories for the times to come. I probably would be remembered for all the things I am not, but have been portrayed that way, and I have bothered the least to rectify that. I probably am not one who would figure in everyone’s photo albums, because I never cared to get that particular photo clicked, but yes, what I did care was to carry my camera with me all the time and when people were busy creating memories, I was busy capturing those memories on camera…because that’s what has always mattered to me more. (Of course having almost 200 GB of photographs simply of/for/with people of this college clicked over 3 years isn’t an easy feat to accomplish.)

I have no problem when you imitate me. No I don’t get offended. That’s the reality, isn’t it? I am ok with it. Let’s have fun! Yeah, Antarik Anwesan would like to have fun too!

25.04.2012: New Media ki website bann gayi?

26.12.2012: Post-exams Semester 5, KFC, Dwarka

26.01.2013: Hockey Premier League at Major Dhyanchand Stadium

03.04.2013: Post event celebration, First Frame 2013, Sri Ram Centre for Art & Culture, Mandi House

05.04.2013: Yummy! M.o.D, Select Citywalk

14.04.2013: The unplanned Brindavan excursion

It’s been almost three days since I started writing this, but considering the intensity of the subject and trying to decide how to put thoughts-to-words, has taken a lot of time. I have no clue why I chose to write all that I have written. I don’t know why I chose to actually make these ‘confessions’ to you just when we are about to separate. Probably these are things that haunt me…worry me…things, perceptions that I know are not right but I have never been able to set them right…probably this is an attempt to tell you what you really mean to me, or more likely, how I want you to know me. I don’t know.

When people tell me that they love reading my blog and follow it regularly, it feels great. When a friend told me recently that he took my blog as a ‘guide’ and ‘inspiration’ so as to start his own new blog, I felt proud. Yes, it has mattered to me a lot- who comes to my blog and reads it. What matters more is- did the person come back later because he/she liked what he/she read the previous time and thought it was worthwhile to pay an ‘uninvited’ visit to the blog? The person perhaps was bored by reading my blog post but came back later just because he/she considered it important because of the relation/connection we share?

13.05.2013: The Bowling Scorecard, EOD, Noida. Ummm...'A'?

13.05.2013: At EOD, Noida

03.04.2013: My best buddies

I know that not many would bother to open this ‘yet another blog post by Antarik’ link when they find this on their facebook newsfeed. Some would do. But most of them wouldn’t stick till the end. I thank you for reading this entire self-blabber, the entire over 1800 word piece. You kept on going probably because this relation that we share is important to you or perhaps the word ‘confessions’ kept your attention.

When recently a friend was asked, “What is the worst thing about MBICEM?” He said, “It’s small.” “And what is the best thing about MBICEM?” He replied, “It’s small.” That was the best answer that I had ever heard to these questions. I loved it. Don’t you think that the very fact that we studied in this ‘ghar-jaisa-dikhne-wala’ and ‘blink-and-you-miss-it campus’, running from the basement to the canteen, was the thing that kept us connected together all the time? At least I feel so. I am going to miss this place. I am going to miss working here, having fun here. I am going to miss the people I met here. I am going to miss you…

As we step into a new world, I wish you all the luck,

This is not the blogger or topper or padhakoo or Commando (:p)

This is just a good friend signing off now.

Yeah…this is how I would like you to remember me…